I know it's been a while since I've written. There's been a lot to do between getting the baby's room ready, working, trying to revise my book before the baby comes and just being tired a lot.
For those of you who don't know: We're having a girl! Her name is Rosalind Lorraine. We couldn't be happier.
I couldn't wait until the fall, not just because the colors here in the Northwest are so vibrant and the air is so crisp,but because the second trimester is supposed to be great. For the most part it has been. Fewer emotional troubles, though I still have times of crying over the smallest thing. For example, the commercials for "Where the Wild Things Are", I cry every time I've seen it because I just know he has to leave those "monsters" and all I can think is how terrible that is!
Dan just looks at me and smiles, shakes his head, kisses me on the forehead and tells me he loves me. I don't think he really knows what else to do in those moments; and that's ok. I really don't know what I want him to do.
I'm also getting really anxious about the house being tidy. I wouldn't say full blown nesting, but if the kitchen table gets a little cluttered I start to get ansy; stuff like that.
It was hard to remember during the first trimester that thsi was such a miraculous blessing. But now it's easier. I can't help looking at my belly and smiling. I just had begun to assume I'd never see this. Never feel a baby kicking inside of me. Her movements are actually pretty amazing.
There's the fluttering; which I wonder if it's hiccups or if she's flipping around or what. There's the constant pressure feeling, which I think is her stretching. And then there's your typical kick. The kick is all over the place, but it seems that Rosalind can't get enough of hitting my bladder. I think she thinks it's either a plaything or it's just downright funny to make mom wince and beg her to move.
It's never been difficult for the Dr. to find her heart beat, which I am so grateful for. When we did the ultrasound, it was amazing to see her. A perfect profile was what we were blessed with. We could see her nose, lips, chin, forehead, her hand and fingers. I cried the whole time, especially when the technician told us it was a girl. We both cried pretty good at that point.
I'm trying to savor every day. To talk to her when she's moving, we both try and read to her and Dan still sings to my belly.
Rosalind kicks for him sometimes, but I wonder if when Dan talks to her she doesn't get calm because her movements stop. I kinda like that, as if her daddy's voice makes her peaceful.
I get nervous and scared sometimes, thinking of being Mommy. And sometimes I get weepy. And sometimes I get excited. I'm pretty sure this is normal. Who doesn't feel a little "Oh My God!" when you think of being responsible for a helpless, beautiful, amazing baby.
It makes me smile, though, to think of being Mommy. That she'll come to me (or Dan of course) when she's hurt, or needs a hug, or approval, or advice or any plethora of things. I'll know what she's saying when others don't. I'll be able to comfort her when others can't.
I'm amazed that we've been given this little gift. I can't wait to hold her... that's just...I want it so bad but being pregnant is pretty amazing too. And I'm loving it!