The lessons never stop

I know I don't write very often, it's mainly because my brain power is severely limited at this point. But next week is week 12 in my pregnancy, the end of the first trimester and I wanted to write something to mark it.
It's been far too easy to forget why I'm feeling so crappy the last few months: a baby grows inside of me. We have the ultrasound pics on the fridge, and today I purposefully looked at the picture and then thought about the little belly that is constantly taking all the food I eat, the little hands waving back and forth, the feet kicking already. I'm amazed to learn that teeth buds are forming, and tiny nails are starting to grow on it's tiny fingers and toes. It helps to be reminded of this, it makes it worth it, truly.
The euphoria when we first found out has faded a little in the face of stress of trying to do things when I'm tired and not feeling good and Dan having to fill in the gaps in our house. And, shockingly (ha, ha), stress and worry did not disappear with pregnancy. I mean we're very happy that we no longer have the heartache of wondering if we will ever have a child, that is a relief, and even as I write it I have to smile. The miracle of it, the absolute "Wow! Really?!" is still there when I remember the struggle the last three years has been.
But, there are still things that we must trust God for, and I won't get too specific. I will say it was humbling and a slam back down to earth to realize that trusting is far from over for us. I guess we thought we'd get a little reprieve from the "Oh my God how do we handle...?"
I had my doubts when we got pregnant if I really learned how to trust the way I was 'supposed' to. But it's not about that really. Trials and struggles, which are a daily part of just being alive, are about learning how to be stronger, humbler, more trusting and whole bunch of other things I've yet to learn/master. I'm not perfect with any of this, and I would bet there were times I could have done better during our struggle with infertility. But that doesn't mean God is disappointed, or that I didn't learn anything. I did.
Is it hard to remember those lessons? Oh yeah!
Am I trying? OH YEAH!
It's a lifetime thing. I don't think any of us learn how to handle suffering, trials, fears, etc. perfectly, but we try to do it well, with integrity, trust, humility and courage.
I really can't wait to feel little Tigger kick, or move. That's the next milestone I'm looking forward to. Well, besides fitting into maternity clothes better so that clothes aren't too tight or too loose. (Sigh) And to think, before I got pregnant, I lost enough weight to fit into size 6 skinny jeans....Well, that will be a good goal post partum, huh?