"Krull"-WTF?

My brother Robert recommend "Krull" to me as a movie that was so bad I HAD to see it.

He was right.

Painfully right.

The story makes no sense, first of all. Plots come out of the blue as if they wrote this script by throwing darts at possible plot threads. Seriously.

The Glave is potentially the most bad ass boomerang ever, but that can't save this movie.

The antagonist arrives from outer space in a ship that looks like a giant mountain of black rock, and it moves every sun up so no one is sure where the thing is gonna be next. The female protagonist is everything I've always hated about traditional Fantasy stories: she stands around, looks pretty/pouty, wears a flowing dress and hides during a fight. Pathetic!

Our hero smiles when tragic things have just happened, has hair is never mussed, wears tight pants but apparently no package (or at least none visible to the naked human eye) and has the ability to make hardened criminals happy to give up their lives of freedom to come with him on a doomed mission to rescue the helpless female...come to think of it, I don't think he ever told the poor saps exactly what they'd be doing.

There are some beautiful exterior shots, but the green screen is AWFUL; even for the time. When our intrepid band of heroes are in the monsters liar, one of them is wearing/has bells and is jingling the whole time; as if to say "Here we are!"; and as Dan added "And we're FABULOUS!"

Then, the hero loses the glave in the monster and then all of a sudden the hero and woman come up the belief that it's their love and marriage that is the real weapon....Uh, O-K. So, they hurriedly do the rest of the ceremony which entails taking magic fire from her hand and when the hero does that he can shoot fire from his hand...*Sigh*...*Head shake*

The monster is incinerated...very slowly... Seriously it takes like half a dozen or more shots from the hero's hands to kill the monster. Whatever.

The mountain collapses...up. Yeah, as it's falling apart it actually falls up to the sky. After the black rock is gone, red, chunky parts of the land also go up to the sky. It looked like the land was throwing up...yuck.

What's left of the band of heroes watch in awe and then start joking and laughing as if half their friends didn't just die painful, awful deaths in the mountain that fell up into the sky and made the land throw up.

Ok, well, at least I can say I saw it.