Yay! Four books down!
This one took me a while to read, but only because I really wanted to soak it up. Dan and I read and used the advice in "Happiest Baby on the Block" and it really helped Rosalind during her first few months.
"Happiest Toddler on the Block" is for parents of children one year to four years old. Dr. Karp's methods of preventing and eliminating tantrums may seem, at first glance, to be a bit on the "hippy" side, but after using some of his techniques with Rosalind I can tell you that after repeated use, they really do work.
It was interesting to learn that when anyone (including toddlers) get really angry our logical side of the brain shuts down and the emotional side hijacks everything. With toddlers, who seem to have a shorter fuse that their parents, this is very true. They don't absorb long sentences, full of logical reasons why they can't have their favorite toy at the dinner table. All they hear is you not understanding what they're trying to communicate.
One of the key components of Dr. Karps technique is to connect with respect and speak "Toddler-ese"; short almost caveman like sentences. For example: "You're mad! Mad, Mad, Mad! You want! Want Minnie. Want Minnie now!" By saying the emotion you see on your toddlers face and using short sentences you let them know that you understand. Combine this with also using somewhat exaggerated facial expressions and hand motions and you can successfully communicate to a child with little verbal skill that you understand what she/he is trying to say.
When this is accomplished, I can tell you from experience that the child will calm a bit or altogether. It's then you can offer an alternative, a distraction, you can try and say "No, mommy says not now. Later.", offer a compromise "Five more minutes with Minnie and then it's dinner time". Anything like that.
The more you do it the better it gets. Rosalind really responds to it, though sometimes it takes several minutes of doing this to really reach her.
Then there's things like "Feeding the meter" which is focused play time of five minutes throughout the day, "gossiping" where you tell her toys in front of her how good she was at lunch or in the bath, giving her choices. Now this one is really neat. We started doing it with Rosalind with food. We give her a choice between two things when she wants more to eat and she loves it! It makes her far more cooperative at meals because she feels like she has some sense of power over her life.
Now, if Rosalind is doing something dangerous or breaking an important family rule, there are immediate things that are done, followed by connecting with respect. The rule here isn't to let the child run rough-shod over me as a parent. The idea is to let her know that her feelings matter to me, that I respect her and that she should do the same. So, when I'm really upset, or she does something dangerous, I get to speak first: "No! Danger! Stop!" and then when she's safe: "That makes mommy very scared and mad when you do that." It works when she's being really disobedient too: "You make mommy very mad when you won't listen. Mommy mad." It helps teach a child to take others' feelings into account; maybe not right away at one year old, but eventually, after repeated use.
There is a ton more in the book. Advice for practically every scenario imaginable, and advice particular to different temperaments. If you have a child between the ages of one and four, or have a child approaching their first birthday, I highly recommend this book. I will be returning to it again and again as Rosalind gets older.
I may not use everything in this book, but I'm trying a lot of it and liking it. As I said, it doesn't undermine my authority as a parent, but instead helps me communicate boundaries to Rosalind and starts to build the foundation of a loving and trusting relationship with her.
I give it four stars.
Next book is "Buddhism for Mothers" by Sarah Napthali
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