Authentic Desire

Sometimes being oneself is hard; really, really hard.
There can be outside obstacles, people or circumstances that make us feel that we just can't be who we are, or who we are isn't good enough.
I've been struggling with this over the last few months.
It's been a long road to like myself, and I finally felt like I'd arrived; at least as much as any of us can. And then the challenges started rearing their ugly heads.
I've felt like I've needed to hide who I am; the opinions I try to voice kindly, the love I have, the excitement I have about things I learn, the struggle and triumphs of living a creative life, etc.
But I just can't anymore.
I'm tired of doubting myself.
Of feeling that I need to bottle myself up in order to be accepted.
I won't go into where exactly I'm feeling that, it's far too personal and I'd rather not hurt those that have made me feel this way; I love them far too much to air it in this public arena. Needless to say, I know a conversation is coming; and I wish it wasn't needed.
Will they accept me?
I don't know.
Isn't that an awful feeling?
But I need to be ME.
I'm not so bad really. I've got beauty in me. My talents are beautiful.
My ability to mother and be a wife, friend, daughter, sister is beautiful.
Me, myself, all the dark and light parts of my soul are beautiful.
God has deemed it so.
I accept His/Her judgment.
I'm so tired of hiding. I don't have to hide everywhere, just certain places. But those are some of the hardest to hide and I'm angry because I shouldn't have to hide in this place (sorry for the cryptic)!
I'm hurt, because I desire so badly to be known in this particular place, and I'm not sure I ever will be. I can't change them, only myself.
So, I'm not gonna be afraid anymore.
I'm not gonna hide.
I'm not gonna be rude or mean or anything like that either. But I'm gonna be me.
And try to learn how to live and love even if they never know or accept the real me.